Envious Feelings
by Jotaku
Summary: EnvyxEd, Mangaverse, Chap. 95 Spoilers - What if Envy hadn't commited suicide, and a play of fate let him live? What if he changed his mind, changed sides? Decided maybe being understood was more important than trying to squash his own envy? More Inside
1. Prologue: Change in Sequence of Events

**Title:** Envious Feelings

**Author:** Jotaku

**Summary:** What if Envy hadn't committed suicide, and a play of fate let him live? What if he changed his mind, changed sides? Decided maybe being understood was more important than trying to squash his own envy? _(MANGAVERSE! This does NOT follow the anime, so if you haven't read the manga up to chapter 95, I suggest you go to google and search up FMA manga online, and READ! c'B)_

**Rating:** MA_ (for later chapters)_

**Warnings:** M/M, sex, _(probably)_ violence, language. I have not fully finished planning this story, or written the plot down. So, I am warning you now, I MIGHT drop this. This fic is one of the few where I do not plan anything, just write.

**Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Envy, or Ed, or any of the other amazingly awesome FMA characters. ;A; Because if I did, well... let's just say it would be a HELL of a lot different. xD;

**Proglogue: Change in Sequence of Events**

A small, ugly, parasitic worm lay at the feet of four humans. They were alchemists (besides the girl, but she was with one), and its enemies. It hated them, with its entire core. They were as vile as the floor he was laying on, which was covered in blood and only God knows what else. Not that it believed in God, but it was a fitting phrase all the same. Along with blood, the floor was burnt--the walls too--leaving large, ugly, black marks everywhere. A wall was half blown away as well. These were the signs of their battle. The worm had lost, and was no longer the 'adorable' human it took shape of, nor its grotesque, natural form. Now the worm was simply a worm. A homunculus parasitic worm, but a worm none the less. To the world, this worm was known as Envy, even though Envy was not known as a worm. Only the four here, and a few others knew this was him. He hated being like that, being an 'it', which was the only thing he could think of to describe himself as. He was disgusting, and even he knew that. It was the reason behind his choice of normal form.

Envy was envious of the humans; envious of their forms, of their ability to bounce back, of their friendships. He hated this fact about him, and hated them because they could make him feel envy, the emotion he was named after, so he wanted to kill them all. If you destroy the thing you are envious of, you won't feel envy, would you?

But still, he had never admitted any of these feelings to anyone. The other homunculi didn't give a rat's ass about him, and Father only had him around to help complete his plan. They used each other, and that was all. They wouldn't care about his feelings. So instead, he focused on dealing with them himself and did the one thing he could think of to make himself feel better; killing humans. He tried to squash as many as he could along his path and revelled in their cries and sorrow. He was proud of the fact that he had started the Ishibalan war. It had killed so many…

And then that stupid brat had to figure him out. He had to realize that Envy was envious of them. That stupid, defiant, shrimp of a brat had to go and understand him. Why?!

Why did it have to be him, of all people?

_Why?!_

"…And the worst of all, the lowest, most disgusting one of you…," the homunculus worm continued his hysteric raging, yelling at each of the alchemists around him, "That fucking kid, is the only one who understands how I feel! It's the ultimate insult!"

Envy could feel tears coming to his large, wide eyes. He never remembered crying before, but he knew he was then. He could feel the sting, like strings pulled taunt, and the damn broke as they pulled, letting his tears run through. He hated himself and hated these humans, yet he was so jealous of them. The homunculus wanted what they had. He wanted to be human.

"GYYAAAHHHH!!" He desperately screamed out his frustration. Envy wanted to die, yet didn't want to die at all. He could feel his insides tearing apart at his pain. This pain had been buried inside him for generations, slowly building as the time moved on. With such simple words from just one human, they were ripped out and put on display for the world to experience. It hurt so badly!

The humans around him stood silent for a moment, giving him their pity, but as the cry simmered down to a scratching, wretched sob, the girl, Riza, stepped forward with her gun ready in hand. "It's time we ended this."

One shot was all it would take. One shot, and the little worm called Envy would be gone forever. He was already at his limit, one more life, this life, was the only one he had left. When he died it would be the end. The final death. But fate wasn't ready to let Envy die. It had plans for him later down the road. He would have to live with his envious feelings just a little longer.

Suddenly, the wall that had been cracked and partially destroyed by the Fire Alchemist's earlier frustration boomed open. Exploded bits of rock and debris were sent flying everywhere, and the four humans and the little Envy worm were blasted back along with them.

Envy was forgotten, and instead all eyes focused on what had broken through the wall. Before them were countless numbers of those zombie-like super soldiers, groaning and screaming as they pushed through the opening. Drool hung from their open and searching mouths, and their single eyes were wide and searching. Once they were spotted, the eyes only saw the prey in front of them.

Humans!

If they could smile, they would have. Four humans had been found, more food for their ever-hungry stomachs. Though their brains were slow and dimwitted, they all were able to think one unanimous thought. _It's time to feast!_

_--------------------_

_I'll try to get the first chapter up today. I'm kinda posting as I write/finish a chapter. Let me know if I make spelling errors or if I have any irregularities. Reviews are not NEEDED, but they ARE nice. -w-;; And they make me want to write more._


	2. Chapter o1: Guess who's back?

_Special thanks to watergoddesskasey and The Chibi Fluffy for their reviews! :'3_

**Chapter Warnings:** Mild violence. Very, very mild violence. xD;

**Chapter o1: Guess who's back? **

The super soldiers slowly made their way through the hole, pouring out like sand from a gourd, and spreading out around them. The four of them, the FullMetal Alchemist, Edward Elric, The Flame Alchemist, Roy Mustang, his subordinate, Riza Hawkeye, and the Ishibalan, Scar were cornered against the opposite wall. There were so many of these damned soldiers, that none of them were all that positive they would survive.

Their attention had been completely diverted from the worm, Envy. He was only a small nick in the back of their minds. Nothing compared to the troubles that faced them. It was like the calm before the storm. No one moved, except to breath. The hordes of mindless soldiers were moving, though, yet not making their move _on_ them. Which was the important thing. Of course, this was only a moment of peace before battle, but it was needed for preparation. Each of the alchemists got ready to wipe out more of the horrid creatures, and Riza aimed her gun despite its near uselessness.

Roy Mustang had proven to be most effective against the soldiers earlier, and quickly stepped forward to make a move before the other side did. "Let me handle this!"

With only a snap, half of the mass was left legless and therefore useless. Their legs had been burned away by the Colonel's hot flames in mere seconds. It was a simple attack, but effective. It was hard to attack without being able to stand. The alchemist smiled at his job, feeling pleasure in being able to defeat so many. With a few more snaps, all of these repulsive _things_ could be rendered totally useless if not completely destroyed.

What Roy Mustang was not expecting, nor the others, was to have the destroyed group of soldiers be replaced by new ones almost instantly. They had all thought that was it. Maybe a few were still on the other side of the wall, but not that many!

"Shit!" the Colonel cussed under his breath. This would not be easy. And the other soldiers may have been mostly stuck where they were and useless, but one wrong step would land you in an open and waiting mouth. This would be such a pain! And the man wasn't too sure he could hold all of them off himself. He would need the others' help, that was for sure. But would that be enough?

If only they had destroyed Envy sooner, then they could have already been on their way and—wait. Envy! Where was that disgusting worm? Roy glanced to the side, then the other, trying to spot the ugly little thing. He didn't see it. Anywhere. Shit!

Just then, a group of the soldiers attacked, jumping at them with mouths gaping and arms spread and ready to grab. Roy held his arms up and snapped and the group directly in front of him burned in a cluster of flames before falling to the ground in front of him. Scar jumped forward from his place, destroying various body parts from the remaining soldiers the other alchemist had missed until they could no longer stand or attack.

"Ed, where's Envy?!" Roy yelled, snapping his fingers again and destroying another batch. Riza's gunshots could be heard about the chaos.

"Wha--? Ah, SHIT!" Ed, who was just about to jump forward and join the battle, his automail arm already transformed to a sword, faltered instead to look around him on the ground. That stupid worm wasn't anywhere to be seen! "Looks like he's gone!"

The colonel cursed again. This was just his luck. Now he had to fight all these guys and then find Envy? After all that time of searching for Hughes' killer?! By the looks of things, they weren't getting away anytime soon either.

"Try to find him!" the Flame Alchemist called back, "We can't lose him! He'll just cause more problems later down the line! Let us deal with these guys for now!"

Ed looked up, seeing the Colonel's back as a dark shadow against the blazing light of flame. He had an insult on the tip of his tongue that had been ready to throw at the older alchemist for bossing him around and making him play hide-and-seek, but the sight had quelled it. Higher officer with lots of fire who's very angry? Yeah, not something Ed felt like messing with.

"Okay!" he called back, turning his back on the others and searching along the ground and under thrown stones. No! He pulled back, looking around and spotting a few boulders next to a pipe line. He quickly crawled over and moved the debris, trying to see if he was possibly there. Nothing!

Shit! Had Envy ran away that fast? The thing had looked pretty tired before those zombie-soldiers showed up. Ed was almost positive it was still around… but where? He couldn't find him, and the chaos of the battle was making his searching difficult. He was confined to the space behind his companions. If Envy had escaped into the mass of those soldiers, then there was little chance he'd be able to get him back!

Ed let out an exasperated sigh, and reached up to the back of his neck to scratch some itch. He couldn't feel properly through his gloved fingers, but he could still tell that what greeted his hand was most definitely _not_ his neck. It was too squishy. And round. Like… like some sort of leech!

"Don't move, Alchemist!" came a sharp, high-pitched voice from behind him, in the same direction as the thing on his neck.

--------------------------

The explosion had sent him hurtling several yards away, and he felt pain all over when his small body hit the wall. That had almost been lights out for him, but luckily he still had enough left in him to struggle behind to the nearest stone for a bit of protection.

Those retarded toys gone-out-of-control of the Military's had broken through the wall and caused a big boom in the process. Why couldn't they be a bit more careful with things? To Envy they were annoying, but just what he needed at this moment. They had saved him from imminent death, even if they did almost kill him in the process. It was hard to move, and he had to take a moment to recover under that little rock, but he was alive all the same. By the time he regained his small, fragile self again, Roy Mustang was burning the ugly soldiers all up!

Envy mentally scoffed at the man. He really hated that human. _Especially_ him. The others were horrible enough when they weren't burning you with alchemy flames all the time. Turning, he could see Edward Elric just a few feet away. Something inside of him tightened when he looked at the boy. That Fullmetal brat pissed him off so bad! Why was it that he was the only one who could understand? Why?! He still couldn't believe it. Well, no matter. If he got rid of the shrimp, then he wouldn't have to see that pitying look ever again. Those eyes had made him want to scream. He hated pity. He hated seeing it in the eyes of those around him, while looking _at_ him. Like Envy was something to be pitied, something sad that no soul would wish upon another. Feh! It made him sick just thinking about it! He would get back at that stupid alchemist!

Slowly, so that Ed wouldn't see him, Envy slinked over to the boy. There was a nice, big, hunk of blown out wall behind him that he could climb onto. From there the boy would be in easy reach, so long as he didn't move away before then. Quickly, yet as quietly as he could, Envy climbed up the rock. Each of his stubby limbs pulled and pushed and his tail curled around anything he could grab to give him leverage as he ascended. It wasn't long before he was at the top of the piece of rock wall, and luckily Ed hadn't yet moved.

Bunching up and scrunching his tail, Envy held himself until the tension in his body was at its peak, and then sprung! He didn't fly far, but it was enough to land on the boy. It was a good thing he was so close, otherwise it would be more obvious, and Envy would have risked falling.

As soon as he touch Ed's jacket, he clung to it. Once the momentum of the jump had dissipated, he worked his way up until he was placed on Ed's neck. He grabbed on just in time, because suddenly Ed's arm was a short blade, and he was springing up for battle. Envy had to do all he could not to scream out and degrade the short and obnoxious twit! Couldn't he give a bit of warning before doing that next time?

And when Ed stopped short, Envy's face was planted into the boy's neck, and then his hair hit the back of his head. Oww! This was not the best place to hang on to during fights! He had almost bit the boy too! Stupid alchemist, if he wasn't careful, he would get more than a simple bite from him!

Ed turned and went back to the wall, then searching the ground and under rocks and other debris. Envy almost giggled at him. _No, no, silly Edward! You won't find me there! _he thought smugly. He was much, much closer to home. And with one bite, Edward Elric would seize to exist. Yes, that pitying look would be gone, and the one who understood him gone along with it.

The one who understood him…

Envy felt hesitant at his decision to end the alchemist's life. Not because he was an important sacrifice—Envy couldn't give less a damn about that—but because of the situation. He didn't like the kid, but he had figured it out. He had seen through his mask, the one he had built up for generations. Hundreds of years, even! It had been painful and he had felt so exposed it was horrifying, yet… he had been understood. Someone knew why he screamed and complained and fought; why he hurt. He had never had that before. Envy hated himself. He hated how he looked and how others would look at him when he wasn't disguised as a normal human. He always had hid behind a mask, and despite the shock of having it ripped away and the pain it brought, it was quickly overcome. Inside, deep within him in a place Envy could only name as his heart, he felt lighter. He felt relieved.

He wanted to ruin this kid. He wanted him to scream and cry in the same agony he had… but he wasn't sure he wanted to kill him off entirely. This simple boy had seen through him when no one else had. Could he really destroy the only person that understood him? The one person who could understand his pain?

Reality hit him in the form of fingers poking his back. He suddenly recalled that he was hanging on to the neck of a very easily pissed off alchemist, and one who had caused him more than enough pain in the past. Envy squirmed against the touch but kept his grasp on the alchemist's neck. He had to do something now, or he would be ripped off!

"Don't move, Alchemist!"

Instantly Envy felt the body beneath him freeze. Ed stayed still, not moving from his crouched position, and doing exactly what he had asked. "Envy!" he hissed out quietly.

"Heeheehee! Good, FullMetal, followings orders just like a dog!" the little worm giggled. Ed shivered at the feel of it vibrating against his neck. He could also feel the anger within him rising up at the insult.

"Envy, why you ugly little worm, I'm going to—"

"Shut up! I'm thinking!" Envy interrupted, and Ed promptly shut up at the feel of teeth pricking his skin. He hadn't been done with his thoughts before Ed had discovered him and he didn't want to be distracted. He wasn't yet sure if he wanted to kill him or not. What else could he do? Be killed? He couldn't really escape now. He had to kill the boy. Even if he was the only one who understood, Envy didn't want to die! He wanted both, he realized. He wanted to live and to be understood. It wasn't so hard when he thought someone could understand him. It made his life seem just a bit easier.

"I'll help you, Edward Elric," Envy said after a while's pause. "But you have to let me live."

"Tch, help me? Last time you said you'd do something you turned on your word the moment it became an inconvenience!" Ed spat quietly. If the others found out Envy was there, he would be bitten. He wasn't sure what Envy could do with those sharp little teeth of his, but he had heard some pretty nasty things about the last time Envy was like this, and he didn't want to risk anything. He would try to coax the homunculus off, and then deal with him.

"The last time I didn't _want_ to help you."

"And this time you do?"

"…" Envy was silent for a moment, before continuing with simply saying, "You understand."

It was Ed's turn to be silent then. He was bent down, as though inspecting a rock. He could hear the clashing of battle behind him, and feel the floor trembling beneath his feet from all the impacts. He didn't quite understand Envy's reasoning, but it felt more genuine then he had ever heard the homunculus speak.

Eventually Envy started talking again, trying to persuade Ed. "Oh, come on, shrimp! Let me help you and it'll make life much easier. I'll absorb these guys up for you! And then, if I do betray you, well… you guys got me like this twice now, I'm sure you could do it again, right? Not like I'd let you kill me if I did betray you, but hey!"

Ed could practically feel the veins in his temple. Why that scummy little leech! "Who do you think you're call a small, insignificant, little shrimp?! And besides, just because you absorb all of these guys up doesn't mean we're going to let you go!"

"Of course not! I said I'd help you, didn't I? I'll get you where you're trying to go, and then, well… I don't understand why you guys want to take down Father, you'll never be able to do it, but I'll help by not standing in your way. How's that sound?"

There was a pause as Ed thought. If he did let Envy absorb these soulless soldiers, then they'd be able to move on. By the looks of things, they wouldn't be able to last before the soldiers ran out. All of them were bloody and tired, and needed Ed's help, but Ed didn't know if his help would be enough. Envy could be a life saver. But did that mean he wanted to use him? He didn't trust Envy, the homunculus had proven to be a traitor too many times in the past. But… he did have a point. They were able to break him twice now, certainly they could do it again.

"Ed!" He looked up at the sound of his name. Riza was speaking back to them; her gun held out in front of her and pointed at the nearest soldiers. "I'm almost out of bullets! Scar looks like his arm is bitten pretty bad, and the Colonel isn't fairing all that much better! We need your help!"

Making a decision, Ed stood and strode to the group, raising his arm and transmuting it back to the shape of a blade. He'd let Envy help, but the moment he got out of hand, he would cut that philosopher's stone right out of him with his own two hands.

"Fine. I'll accept. But keep in mind that I _will_ kill you if you mess up! What do you need to do?" He whispered quietly as he crouched to attack.

"Yeah, yeah, pipsqueak! Understood! Just get me near one of them. As soon as I can bit one, I'll have it!" His voice sounded almost giddy, and it made Ed shudder at the thought. Brushing it off, he leaped forward, slashing through the nearest enemy before stepping back lightly on his feet, slashing again and hopping to the side to attack a new opponent.

Envy had jumped off as soon as Ed was close enough and quickly latched onto the nearest creature. It didn't take long before he had a whole group of them mashed together, forming into one being to recreate him. Faces melded into each other, and limbs combined. Mouths, open once for hunger, were now open and screeching in pain and agony. Each one soldier became three merged together, which in turn became six, then 12, until there was only one mass. Envy. He was grotesque and large, his limbs and torso covered with the agonized faces of the soldiers he had absorbed. Soon, more and more of them were becoming a part of him, and the group of enemies became less and less until there was only one left. Then none.

All that remained was the group of humans and the homunculus. As the dust cleared, the group turned to solely focus their attention on the creature before them. Two big eyes, one black and red, the other an offish white with multiple pupils stared down at them. Its face split to reveal a large, sinister smile. Many white and sharp teach and a foul breath greeted them. Then there was a blur of white and electricity and the person known as Envy began to emerge from the mass of mourning heads and torsos.

"Back agaaaiiinn!"

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_Wooh, first chapter. Well, not sure when the second will come... I might wait until after the manga update, I think.  
Anyway, let me know if I have any spelling/grammatical errors or any sort of irregularities in my story!  
You don't HAVE to review, but it'd be greatly appreciated! The more reviews I get, the more I feel like writing. I'm sure you understand. _


	3. Author's Note!

**Author's Note!**

_I think I'm going to turn this into a serious fic, which means planning and not dropping it, but that brings up one big problem._

_Do I follow the manga, or basically rewrite the FMA storyline beyond this point?_

_If I am to follow the manga, then that will mean I will only be able to update monthly, sometimes even longer, if the chapter doesn't continue along with the characters I need it to. But if I decide to rewrite the storyline, then it'll still take time to plan out everything, and then the story may not be nearly as good. Certain characters and events won't even happen if I do that. Of course, if I follow the storyline, I will still have to rewrite a lot of it, but it'll make it more canon, and therefore more realistic, and easier to see happening._

_And I think I'm leaning more towards following the FMA plot. But I promise I'll make my chapters longer and more eventful to make up for the long period of time without anything! And I can try to write small fics to keep you all at bay for a while, if you're a fan of my writing, at least._

_I'm on semi-hiatus right now anyway, and when I get home I'll have a lot of other stories to work on, so it's probably better if I go by the monthly update idea anyway._

_I'm sorry guys, but try to stay with me, okay? I really like the idea of this fic, and don't want to drop it, so I'm going to really try to stick with it, but that'll require a lot of time. So be patient with me, okay?_

_Thanks for reading, and keep an eye out for the next chapter next month! 8'3_

_I'll try to write some small little EnvyEd oneshot-fanfic today to make up for it._

_-Jotaku_

_P.S. When I uploaded chapter o1, it deleted my scene break, so sorry if that confused a few people at the sudden change from Ed and the Alchemists' point of view to Envy's. I fixed it. _


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